Tosa East Dullard Accepted To UW- Madison On Minesweeper Scholarship

By Sleeping Disorder
The University of Wisconsin, the highly selective college of choice for most students of Wauwatosa East, used to be only a distant dream for dullard Jason Floafer, until it was announced that Floafer would receive UW Madison's first ever Minesweeper scholarship.

"This kicks [freaking] ass!" Floafer told reporters. "I knew playing Minesweeper during all of my three study halls and never doing any homework would pay off! Madtown, here I come!"

The moronic Floafer, a student on his sixth year of high school with a schedule that revolves around study halls, gym classes and Chef Foods, now has big plans for the future. Commented Floafer, "I plan to major in Minesweeper with a minor in Solitaire. I will also do extensive research on the elusive Law Of Freecell, as well as trying to figure out how the hell to play Hearts. I will also be in Madison, so I plan to drink. A lot. I mean, a lot. I mean, like, a real, real, lot."

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