By The Regulator
In a recent national taste test of ten thousand people, ice cream beat out math by 9,999 to 1. The 1, a Mr. Art Fiet, was reported to have existed solely on math for the past several years. The other 9,999 preferred a variety of flavors of ice cream - from Blue Moon to Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough to Rocky Road - over any varient of math.

The reasons for these dramatically one-sided results can be most clearly shown by a logical disjunctive syllogism. Specifically:

Major Premise: Either ice cream is better than math or it is worse than math.
Minor Premise: Nothing is worse than math.
Conclusion: Therefore, ice cream is better than math.

Ha! Try to deny that logic you fools! As can be plainly seen, ice cream is far superior to math.

Here's a little helpful hint for any math teachers out there: Instead of assigning math work every night, try assigning ice cream consumption. Many more students will actually do their assignments, except perhaps for a few of those disgustingly thin anorexic girls, but they'll probably die of starvation before the assignment is due anyway.

Back to Issue 7