By Newman
Man, I don't know about you, but I'm sick of this new underground 'news'paper creatively entitled "The Underground." The reasons for my dislike of this paper are many and varied, but first and foremost of my concerns is the fact that they don't report any actual news. I mean, granted the Cardinal News telling me that there are 9 new teachers isn't exactly a breaking story, but personally I could care less about Scott Schneider's pimpish nature. And what's up with taping those Underground Online flyers on the wall? Don't you idiots know that if you want to touch the walls in this school you have to get the office's permission?

It even seems like some of the teachers and administration have been pulled into the hypnotic trance of The Underground. I think I saw some of those Underground Online flyers in some of their rooms, and a few of them even had copies of the paper. I, for one, will not stand for this degradation of these hallowed halls of learning. This is an insult to everyone who ever strived to reach Mr. Hays's standards of excellence. I'm tellin ya, if I ever find out who the Chief Editor of this piece of trash is, I'll tell him where to shove his underground paper.

Damn.

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