By the available Newman
With Senior Ball, Turnabout, and Valentine's Day just around the corner, an air of romance has permeated the halls of Wauwatosa East High School. And since this school has no windows, it's probably going to stick around for a while.

Strangely, at the same time, Isaac Hayes has also been making a comeback, with his "Chef" character on the hit show South Park, and occasional appearances on Burger King commercials. Is this a coincidence? I think not. Wakened from his sleep by the scent of passion at Tosa East, the Godfather of Soul (if you don't count James Brown) has reemerged as a presence in the 90's. His songs on South Park, with such lyrics as "Every time we make love, hot lava!" and "Oh Kathie Lee, you're my sexual fantasy," have inspired a whole new generation to get their shwerve on. (Of course, technically The Underground does not promote high school students having sex. But if you're going to do it, make sure you do it with protection. And preferably with me.)

So as Isaac Hayes brings his hot, buttered soul into the next millennium, I'd like to wish you all a happy Valentine's Day. I'd also like to remind you all that I am single.

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