By Shooter
It is rumored that as Christmas approaches, legendary guitorganist Jim Hesslink will bring the funk to his classroom. Although some say that Parliament Funkadelic failed to notice his talent, I say he had too much funk for that band.

He will certainly roll out such classics as "Punk Salad Annie" and "Leroy Brown," and pray that the students will sing -- so he can focus on that guitorgan, which is rumored to be the source of his funk. Tickets will not be sold, because as Hesslink said, "Man, this is for the people... ain't no man gonna sell s---, let those cats come if they want to."

Although George Clinton and the P-Funk All-Stars are set to appear, they did not return phone calls from Jim. So skip class if you have to, but don't miss Jim Hesslink when he is bringing that funk.

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