"Hello, I'm Famous. Would You Like To Sleep With Me?"

Issue 13

"Hello, I'm
Famous. Would
You Like To
Sleep With Me?"

Socks Sucks,
Too

I'm Too Sexy For
This Paper

Derek Falky:
Returning To
His Roots

Holmes Of The
Jungle

And Now...
Deep Thoughts

Back To
Issue 13

Back To The
Archives

"Hello, I'm Famous. Would You Like To Sleep With Me?"

By Newman
Throughout the six months of The Underground, I've written headlines on such celebrity sex scandals as Marv Albert and Bill Clinton. As smut-ridden as The Underground has been, however, it has paled in comparison with the "real" newsmedia when it's come to stories about who told whom to touch his whatever.

Simply put, 1997 was the year of sex, and 1998 is picking up right where it left off. From sexual harassment in the army to Bill Clinton's "Washington Monument" being propositioned to every woman in Washington D.C. to Ellen "coming out" to Marv Albert's panties, America is obsessed with anything related to genitalia. Perhaps that's why The Underground has been so popular.

So are people simply sleeping around more, or are the media, looking for anything to feed this celebrity-obsessed culture, simply focusing on the pants of America's superstars? Hell, I dunno. But to fuel the fire, I've provided all of you with your own "Build-your-own-sex-scandal" generator. Mix and match to create your own headline for your periodical or TV news magazine.

America was shocked last week, as allegations surfaced that into .

denied the allegations, saying, " "

The accuser stood by claim, saying that they had a relationship, and openly sobbed in an interview given to on .

Back to Issue 13